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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061326">The End and The Beginning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/XanderLuvsAll/pseuds/XanderLuvsAll'>XanderLuvsAll</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Crossbones Loves....? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:20:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25061326</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/XanderLuvsAll/pseuds/XanderLuvsAll</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Project Insight fails Brock discovers some dreams are not what he thought</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes &amp; Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes/Brock Rumlow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Crossbones Loves....? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The End and The Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everyday more and more of Winter disappeared as he gained more memories since he was free of the constant wipes Hydra had done to him. Brock knew it was just a matter of time before all that remained would be Bucky Barnes, and he was unsure of what to do with that. Brock was glad that Winter was finally free of Hydra and all the torture that had forced him to endure for seventy years. Brock had watched him be tortured by the chair for twenty years and hated it. Losing him to the ices for months and years at a time and been devastating and all he had ever wanted was to have Winter for himself alone. To have him all to himself, something that Brock had longed for since Winter had kissed him for the first time in Bucharest. Where their relationship had begun and the city that Brock had clung to in his memories everytime Winter had been taken from him.</p><p>Brock had dedicated his life to Hydra, had been Alex's prodigy and had risen to the very top before Project Insight had failed. Brock had never once doubted the goals of Hydra though he had doubted their methods. Losing so much time with Winter had never been his desire and over the years all he had wanted was to be with him everyday of his life instead of having him ripped away for so long so many times. All Brock had wanted was to be able to have what so many took for granted. A life with the love of his life and yet now that Hydra had fallen, and they were living together that life was not going well. Winter was slowly gaining back what Hydra had stripped from him for seventy years and losing what had made him Winter, what Brock had fallen in love with twenty years ago. </p><p>Winter was becoming something else and Brock did not know how to deal with what he had lost in Winter without having any help. Jack was dead. Brock had counted on Jack since they had gone through basic together. The best friend he had ever had, which was why he had ignored that Jack was in love with him for years. Brock had only ever seen Winter, since he had seen him for the first time when he was sixteen, and could not give Jack what he had wanted. Jack had still been everything else he needed though. Jack had always been there when he needed someone until Romanov had let him die. Clint was the only other friend that Brock had ever had and that was also a dead end now. Since Brock was sure that should Clint see him again he would end up with an arrow in him. So Brock was left with only Winter, a dream that had helped him survive so long that was becoming a nightmare. Argument after argument. Much of which began like this.</p><p>"What you want is Winter back...You don't want me."</p><p>"I want whatever and whoever you are... I spent twenty years waiting for you to come back to me one way or another.... All I want is you."</p><p>"You think I cannot tell that you look at me differently. You want the perfect weapon back, the one that made you hot simply by killing everything. I remember now how you used to pull me aside after a partiacallry bloody assignment. You couldn't wait to get back to base, it made you so horny.... Now you can barely touch me half the time."</p><p>Brock rolled his eyes." In case you missed it, half of me is covered in burns and you spend half the time having flashbacks.... Neither of us in a particularly horny mood and I ain't getting any younger so it takes longer to get me going even without the drugs dulling my...everything."</p><p>Now it was Winter's turn to roll his eyes as he responded in a rather sulky tone that Brock had never heard from him before." That's bullshit. You just want what you had back without the chair and ice...You don't want me to gain my memories back as you'll lose what drew you to me.. him."</p><p>Brock did not know how to respond to that as there was truth to that. Watching Winter fight was a thing of beauty and it had never failed to get his 'engine' up. The Pure and violence of it had been unlike anything Brock had ever seen. It was why Brock had never strayed from Winter even during times when over a year had passed between being taken from cyro. No one could ever match him. And now... Now he was as far from that as he could get. Winter was becoming Barnes and being broken in the process and Brock had never really been good around broken things. What had made him fall in love with Winter had been how powerful and perfect he was, the very opposite of the mess he was now. Brock had gone too far though to turn away from Winter but everyday was becoming difficult to remember why he loved Winter. To remember their past and all he had hoped their future would be. 
Life truly would have been easier if he had loved Jack the way he had wanted.</p><p>Winter didn't wait for him to think of something to say." You miss the soldier who killed beautifully and obeyed your orders. Where you didn't have to worry about messy emotions or flashbacks or anything but the perfect killing machine....You don't want what is complicated...You liked what you had with Hydra."</p><p>"I never liked what Hydra did to you.. They ripped you from me so many times... I thought I'd lose you every time they put you in the chair... That you would forget me and I'd be alone...You never did though.. Sometimes it took you a while to remember but you always did remember... Alex had never heard of it...the connection you retained to me no matter how many wipes...You always remembered and came back to me... No matter how many times you were put in ice...how many months or years that you were taken from me... I hated Hydra for that... Once Insight was over Alex said you would be needed less and you would have been mine for longer and I would not have lost you anymore."</p><p>"Yours... That is what you wanted. To own me."</p><p>"As you own me...We owned each other. I am yours and you are mine." Brock had a memory of Winter saying that while they curled together in a safe house in as they froze waiting for extraction. The memory had always kept him warm and happy waiting for Winter to return to him.</p><p>"Perhaps I am sick of people thinking they can own me. No one owns me anymore." Winter turned away and hit the wall, leaving another sizable dent in their walls. "I am sick of people choosing for me.. Telling me what to do...WHo I am... I just want to choose."</p><p>Looking into Win....Bucky's eyes Brock knew the end had come and closed his eyes. What they had was gone and would never come back and he was done pretending. Winter was dead and all that was left was the emerging Bucky Barnes. Brock nodded to give Bucky peace and then walked out to begin preparing. He had been Commander of Strike Alpha and the Winter Soldier's handler for almost twenty years. He knew how to execute any plan with precision. Within an hour of the realization, Brock had made a single phone call and had gathered the belongings he did not want to leave behind. All without alerting what had once been the deadliest man on the planet. Once he was done Brock went over to Bucky and pulled him in for one last kiss, unable to leave without one last taste of what he had had for so many years. Then before any word could be said he walked out of the house. Brock looked at the house one last time. So much had happened there, they had lived there for months. Brock had wanted for two decades to just live with Winter, to be able to spend time with Winter with no interruption and no one taking Winter from him and they had finally had that but it had come to an end here as well.</p><p>Brock turned and walked away from the place he had been both his happiest and his saddest. It was time to let go of Winter... and Bucky for good. He was as lost to him as he ever been, even when Winter had been put on ice a part of him had belonged to Brock. Now all of Bucky belonged to Rogers and so Brock walked away and didn't look back once. </p><p>It was over.</p>
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